Crumbling

Isn't it funny (or not) how long it takes to build your life up just the way you want it, and then in two minutes it can all just crumble to nothing?
Right now I am feeling at rock bottom, having smacked every branch on the way down.
I am filled with despair, guilt, panic, lack of control. This week when I haven't been doing a shoot for work, I have been at the gym. It is the only time I can think rationally, when I'm running on the treadmil. I have already spend over 24 hours at the gym this week.
Night times, day times. I am going to make myself disappear at this rate, but to be honest I don't care.
Nothing else matters at the moment, just getting by.