Realisation

Sometimes a shock to the system is what it takes to help you make an important decesion.
Last week I had a dreadful time. I was kidding myself that it was going to get better. I was convinced that this was the way it had to be.
But I have had my eyes opened.
I do have a choice.
And so now, I am in Manchester, England with Ste.
It's amazing how fast things happened.
But I feel as like as a feather, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I finally feel like I can breathe again.
I didn't even realise I was holding my breath! I guess I was playing along, pretending to be happy because I didn't think it could be anyway.
I am talking about my marriage.
I made a huge choice yesterday, and I do not regret a moment of it.
I am ready to begin a new life in Manchester, and I am very exicted.
To me, this all came out of the blue. Ste was always such a good friend to me when I needed him. And then when he was leaving, it struck me like a smack to the face - I couldn't live without him. I relied on him so much more than I realised.
And so here we are, finding our feet in England. Ste comes from Manchester originally, so to him this is coming home. To me this is a chance for a new beginning that I didn't think I was ever going to have.

Crumbling

Isn't it funny (or not) how long it takes to build your life up just the way you want it, and then in two minutes it can all just crumble to nothing?
Right now I am feeling at rock bottom, having smacked every branch on the way down.
I am filled with despair, guilt, panic, lack of control. This week when I haven't been doing a shoot for work, I have been at the gym. It is the only time I can think rationally, when I'm running on the treadmil. I have already spend over 24 hours at the gym this week.
Night times, day times. I am going to make myself disappear at this rate, but to be honest I don't care.
Nothing else matters at the moment, just getting by.

Soccer!

I experienced my first live soccer game last night.
My best friend Kes has made friends with someone very important to the New York Red Bulls. At the last minute, like - yesterday morning, he gave us tickets for the game!
My husband is an avid soccer fan, but he follows the English Premiership and La Liga. It was his first American soccer game too, but he wasn't about to turn it down!
It was at the Giants Stadium, versus Houston!
We had these amazing seats, they would have cost a fortune probably! There was me, my husband, Kes and reluctantly her boyfriend Paul.
The game ended 1-1, but it might as well have been a win for us guys! We had so much fun!
I've a busy week ahead this week. I am starting work with a new company, for the first time. The shoot is set to last the next five/six days!
I plan to make the most of the rest of the weekend, because next week I don't think there is going to be much time for anything!

Gym bunny!

I just got back from a four hour workout at the gym with my friend Kes.
Usually I spend two hours max there, but tonight I stayed even longer.
I was up early this morning, before six, because my husband had an early flight to catch and I wanted to see him off. After that I couldn't get back to sleep, so I went for a run. When I got back I wasn't really satisfied, so after I went to work to get my schedule for the week, I told Kes we were going to the gym.
She had never been to the gym before, so to do four hours with gym bunny me, was quite impressive!
Anyway I feel so much better now! I ache all over but I feel so good!
I'm going to treat myself to a hot bath tonight before Gossip Girl!
I might even watch a movie too.
This is actually my first night alone since I got married. It's going to be weird. The whole week is going to be weird actually.
But I am working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and the hubby is back Friday.
All in all, great start to the week for me! I am such a gym bunny! I hope Kes will want to come with me again, she's a real fun work out buddy.

Petty Chelsea!

I just had to write about this, because my husband has been driving me insane since Wednesday!
To those of you in America (as I am), this won't mean anything to you.
But if your in England or Spain, you will.
Chelsea v Barcelona.
Why are all the Chelsea players being so petty about the game? When the away goal rules works in your favour - you never complain. And sometimes it doesn't go in your favour. It's like all rules on the soccer pitch. Sometimes they work for you and other times they don't.
But it is just so petty and childish and just plain stupid to make death threats to the referee! Just because he didn't like Chelsea get away with their usual style of cheating! I applaud the man for not letting Chelsea walk all over him or intimidate him!
I've never like Chelsea. They have always been smug and arrogant. All sorts of rumours are going around now because apparently UEFA had a match report and score posted up BEFORE the game (which was live) even begun! There are stories of the game being a fix, of the referee taking bribes.. Of many crazy things!
And yet, if it were the other way round, Chelsea would happily accept things as they were!
Forums are filled with death threats for this poor referee. Chelsea fans threatening to fly to Norway and kill him! That is just way over the top!
It's a soccer game! It is not life and death. Chelsea did not deserve to win, otherwise they would have. If they put as much effort in to playing the game as they do abusing the referees, I'm sure they would have won. As it stands, they didn't.
They lost. GET OVER IT! That is directed to both players and fans. Grow up.

Trip to the book store

I really needed some new reading material, so this afternoon I took myself to a bookstore.
I bought two books by; Jeffrey Deaver, Jodi Picoult & James Herbert.
All pretty serious. I wanted to broaden what I was reading.
Someone else, Jordan, has recommended Celia Athern, so I will have to check her out the next time I pass the store! I think, after a bit of research, she is more my type of Author!
But I want to give the other Author's a go too.
Exciting, hey?

White Lies

I am rubbish at lying. I hate doing it.
But sometimes white lies are better than hurting peoples feelings. White lies seem better than needlessly hurting or upsetting someone over something that in retrospect doesn't matter.
For example 'I went to the post office today', when in fact, you didn't, but are going first thing tomorrow.
You see my drift?

~

I went to the gym this morning. I spent an hour and a half working out and an hour swimming. I came home knackered and aching. I go to the gym once a week for said work out and swim, and go jogging twice a week. I generally like working out. I plug in my Ipod and it keeps me going for hours. Nothing planned for this afternoon yet, but probably grocery shopping.